Letting Go, The Second Go, or Ugly Crying is Part of KonMari
Hello friends!
I am on my second pass through KonMari. My first festival took up most of 2015. I experienced the magic. I experienced many clicks in subcategories. But I never reached the final, full, resounding click.
What I also learned this time through is that "admiring" a book in and of itself is not the same as spark joy. I am capable of deeply admiring probably 10,000+ books. But I do not need or want to keep, sort, display, categorize, or dust all of them.
I need my books to be admirable and spark joy.
I realized the path to peace and lightness was letting go of books if the feeling was primarily admiration and not about current use or true spark joy. I could let go of the book if it was merely admiration.
Keeping books from old dreams was like hoarding little urns of ashes that I was not willing to spread into the wind or pour back into the ocean. It was time.
In paring down those books I am now seeing what really remains. What I really want to pursue. The next project and adventure with literature. I was surprised how focused and interrelated the books were that spark joy for me--as if they grouped up tight next to each other and conspired to sing, whistle, wave, and holler "Yes! Here! Look here! This is what you have been looking for this whole time!"
I am clear that a personal library wall of 10,000 books would not bring me "more" happiness or peace of mind than a small intimate library. And as I learned the first time through KonMari, living with a wall of 1,800 vs 600 books was almost interchangeable in terms of amount of peace or happiness because I had not reach a click. It was better with the fewer books (I did not miss the ones I had purged in 2015) but I was not there yet. The 600 books was too heavy a load and was still filled with regrets.
Pushing myself to grieve and let go and find my way down to 400 books (and there may be further to let go) has opened up clarity of purpose. Lightness.
Thank you to my KonMari companion and husband for listening to me ugly cry for several hours over the course of the weekend. The grief was real.
I am on my second pass through KonMari. My first festival took up most of 2015. I experienced the magic. I experienced many clicks in subcategories. But I never reached the final, full, resounding click.
KonMari, round two--and 200 more books to donate.
KonMari talks about doing a mini festival refresh once a year. If you saw my garage you would be clear I am _not_ to the point of doing a chipper and brief festival refresh over a weekend or two--I still need to get down to the very essential "no kidding" true completion of each and every category.
Since this is my second time through a KonMari festival my goal this time is to hard core face all the areas that I did not reach a full and resounding click. To truly keep only what is necessary or that sparks joy. I have given myself six months to finish this second full-fledged festival and thus my deadline (to keep me on task) is February 1st.
I finished clothing a few weekends ago. No hitches. I think I did that category well back in 2015 and thus it did feel like a refresh.
Books is a different issue entirely.
I revisted my books this past weekend. Back in 2015 I reduced from 1800 books down to about 600 books. So in revisiting the book category I took all those 600 books out of their shelves and piled them on my kitchen table. I touched each and every one to "wake them up" as Marie Kondo teaches.
With much drama an grief, I now have a pile of nearly 200 books to donate, leaving me with 400 books that are either currently in use or spark joy. I may reduce further--because I am not sure I feel a deep, resounding click just yet. I may be hanging on to books that are not serving a purpose and/or do not truly spark joy. I may even have overstock--having a pile of things (in this case, books) that creates no joy because of the sheer volume.
As for the 200 books now in the donation pile, going through the process of saying goodbye has surprisingly triggered some really ugly crying fits. They are books I love and admire but are from abandoned projects and old career path ideas that I have long set aside. I am not saying goodbye to the books-- am saying goodbye to who I thought I used to be, who I thought I should be or wanted to be, who I worry that I still should try be to please some faceless other, and sometimes saying goodbye to the heartbreak of sheer failure.
Since this is my second time through a KonMari festival my goal this time is to hard core face all the areas that I did not reach a full and resounding click. To truly keep only what is necessary or that sparks joy. I have given myself six months to finish this second full-fledged festival and thus my deadline (to keep me on task) is February 1st.
I finished clothing a few weekends ago. No hitches. I think I did that category well back in 2015 and thus it did feel like a refresh.
Books is a different issue entirely.
I revisted my books this past weekend. Back in 2015 I reduced from 1800 books down to about 600 books. So in revisiting the book category I took all those 600 books out of their shelves and piled them on my kitchen table. I touched each and every one to "wake them up" as Marie Kondo teaches.
With much drama an grief, I now have a pile of nearly 200 books to donate, leaving me with 400 books that are either currently in use or spark joy. I may reduce further--because I am not sure I feel a deep, resounding click just yet. I may be hanging on to books that are not serving a purpose and/or do not truly spark joy. I may even have overstock--having a pile of things (in this case, books) that creates no joy because of the sheer volume.
As for the 200 books now in the donation pile, going through the process of saying goodbye has surprisingly triggered some really ugly crying fits. They are books I love and admire but are from abandoned projects and old career path ideas that I have long set aside. I am not saying goodbye to the books-- am saying goodbye to who I thought I used to be, who I thought I should be or wanted to be, who I worry that I still should try be to please some faceless other, and sometimes saying goodbye to the heartbreak of sheer failure.
What I also learned this time through is that "admiring" a book in and of itself is not the same as spark joy. I am capable of deeply admiring probably 10,000+ books. But I do not need or want to keep, sort, display, categorize, or dust all of them.
I need my books to be admirable and spark joy.
I realized the path to peace and lightness was letting go of books if the feeling was primarily admiration and not about current use or true spark joy. I could let go of the book if it was merely admiration.
Keeping books from old dreams was like hoarding little urns of ashes that I was not willing to spread into the wind or pour back into the ocean. It was time.
In paring down those books I am now seeing what really remains. What I really want to pursue. The next project and adventure with literature. I was surprised how focused and interrelated the books were that spark joy for me--as if they grouped up tight next to each other and conspired to sing, whistle, wave, and holler "Yes! Here! Look here! This is what you have been looking for this whole time!"
Round two. The loudest choir section of my remaining books.
Pushing myself to grieve and let go and find my way down to 400 books (and there may be further to let go) has opened up clarity of purpose. Lightness.
Thank you to my KonMari companion and husband for listening to me ugly cry for several hours over the course of the weekend. The grief was real.
❤️
ReplyDeleteVery beautiful and honest. Thank you for sharing. I'm preparing for a major konmari cleanse myself and...I'm also going through a bit of grief (family issues) in my own life. Reading about your journey is helpful and even though I'm nervous about what all may come up, I feel that I'm ready. I'm so excited about how it will feel afterwards that I am asking myself to be bold and courageous . Thanks again for sharing!
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